Sequestered in a vacant office as far away from others as they could get, Buffy and Spike talked. And shouted. And damn near hit each other a few times before they agreed that hitting led to fighting which led to sex, which kinda negated the whole "let's talk" thing in the first place.

It was probably one of the most frustrating afternoons Spike had ever spent, but he wouldn't have traded it for anything. Buffy let him know exactly how much the fact he hadn't called her once he'd become corporeal pissed her off. She was willing to agree that it wouldn't have actually done much good if he'd called while he was ghost...except that maybe she would have stopped dating other guys if she'd known he was back on this plane, including the Immortal who seemed to bother him so much.

In return, Spike let her know how much her dependence on the good opinion of her friends annoyed the hell out of him and always had. He accused both Willow and Xander of manipulating Buffy away from things she wanted that didn't fall in line with their own plans, and that Willow especially was a master of this. That was when she'd swung and he'd ducked and grabbed for her. A few breathless minutes later, they'd put the moratorium on physical violence. Spike didn't particularly want to have sex on an office desk again, anyway; too many bad memories about stupid horny guy decisions and maybe he'd just keep that particular secret. Wasn't like they were going to be inviting Harmony over for dinner any time soon, now was it?

In an angry and hurtful moment, he'd passed along what Giles had told him about the Immortal relocating to the New York offices of Wolfram & Hart. He hadn't expected Buffy's face to crumble as it did or the tears that followed. For a brief moment he'd worried that she might have developed feelings for the git, but it seemed the tears were merely a product of insecurities rising to the surface and Buffy coming to the realization the Immortal might have been interested in her primarily because of her connection to Angel. "They all leave," she managed between tears. "Angel, Riley, Giles...you left me even when you kept swearing you wouldn't."

"Took death to do that," he pointed out as he held on to her. They were seated on the floor at the moment, their backs supported by the wall and Buffy's head buried in his shoulder as she wept. "It'll take death to make me leave you again."

Spike was starting to realize that behind the grand passion, the great adventures and the fantastic sex, this was what it was all about: the day to day ups and downs, the fights and squabbles and comforting each other when necessary. He might have joked about a crypt with a white picket fence or cozy little tomb with a view, but the truth of the matter was that he'd never actually thought about what would actually happen once he'd managed to win his ladylove. He'd spent his years with Drusilla keeping her entertained and there'd been precious few moments such as this, if any. With Cecily, he'd placed her on a pedestal as an imagine of pure womanhood to be won...and felt dirty when he harbored less pure thoughts about her alone in his room at night.

None of that compared to holding Buffy as she cried herself out. When her sobs dwindled to whimpers, he stroked her hair and reminded her what was waiting for them when they returned home. "The plumbers are coming next week, so we should have working bathrooms in the back. Once they're done, you and Dawn can start painting and decorating, and I know you've been looking forward to that. The new flagstones in the garden were supposed to laid while we were gone, but you know they've probably buggered them up, so I'll have to get on their ass about it."

He rambled on as the whimpers slowed and stopped. At last sensing she'd calmed herself, he let the rambling stop and they just sat there next to one another, her head on his shoulder. It was a quiet silence, not filled with angry or spiteful words unsaid, but with simply being.

At last, Buffy said, "I remember how we'd just sit after I came back. You seemed the only one who was willing to let me be, who wasn't insisting I be all happy Buffy because I'd been pulled out of some horrible hell dimension. I think I would have gone crazy if you hadn't been there."

"Just wanted you to be better, luv. I didn't like seeing the vacant, hurt look in your eyes."

She sighed and shifted a little closer. "I was angry with you, you know. After Sweet came and made us sing all our truths."

"Because I stopped you from burning up?" He remembered how at times he'd wondered if she was on the verge of suicide and some of her actions that year had only served to reinforce the idea.

"Because of your song. Before that, I could pretend the fact you loved me didn't exist and we could go on being the way we were as long as I wanted. After you told me, I couldn't pretend anymore and I couldn't ignore the fact I was attracted to you. I was angry that you'd screwed it all up."

Buffy looked up at him. "I wasn't in love with you then. I wanted to lose myself in you to feel alive, but I didn't love you when we started this. No, I need to say this," she said as he started to protest. "I didn't love you then, but I think I started to somewhere along the line and it got tied up in how I felt about myself and being back and...well, we know where that led. When you were gone, I was able to build up a shell again because there was no one who could really get through my defenses. Then you came back and you were inside my walls without even trying. Everything came bubbling up and I got mad at you again because you made me feel; I couldn't just drift when I was around you."

"You stopped being mad at some point."

"The night you took me to that cellar and showed me the graves of the people you'd turned. You knew the consequences and you still came to me even though it was a given I was going to dust you for it. Then the Harbringers took you and I couldn't deal with the idea you were gone. God, what we went through that year...and every time I needed support, you were there, even when everyone else abandoned me."

She shifted position, pulling away to sit back on her heels facing him. "I don't just love you because of your sexy smile or your body or that little thing you do when...it's more than that. I think back through everything we've been through and you are so amazing. When I look in your eyes, I see what I could be. You make me love myself, Spike; that's one of the reasons I love you...and it's one of the reasons I can now when I couldn't then."

Spike wasn't at all sure how to respond to this; once she'd admitted she'd loved him, Buffy had said the words several times a day and he never grew tired of hearing it. But this...this was more than he'd ever expected to hear.

For once words escaped him, and all he could do was reach out and touch her to reassure himself the woman looking at him with love was real and not a sudden return of the First's delusional fantasies. The merest brush of his fingertips across the warmth of her skin was enough to convince him. "Buffy..."

She pressed her cheek against his palm, then leaned forward to kiss him...as a knock was heard at the door. "Buffy? Spike?" came Dawn's voice, more than a little worried. "Are you two okay? Andrew was babbling something about his head and a wall."

Buffy's eyes fluttered open. "I am going to be so glad to get back to Rome."

"And how many times do we get interrupted there?" Spike asked with a smile.

"Too damn many."

Dawn had indeed heard a rather dramatic version of the incident in the hall when she'd returned from her expedition to the National Portrait Gallery, but somehow Andrew had neglected to mention that Buffy and Spike had made up. Reassured that neither was about to kill each other, Dawn suggested that since the sun was now down, they grab some dinner before she had to be back for the patrol. "I'm with Faith this evening, so you know it's going to be interesting," she said over dinner at Porters in Covent Garden. "And don't worry, Robin's going to be along, so we shouldn't have any craziness. Well, not too much, anyway. She wants me to help shepherd the girls."

Buffy did her best not to look worried, but she started poking at her Grilled Salmon Filet, which was a sure sign the protective instincts were kicking in. Dawn noticed it as well and grinned across table at Spike. The closer Dawn's eighteenth birthday got, the more little flare-ups of that instinct there seemed to be, as if attempting to exercise one last stranglehold before the bird flew the nest.

Looking up, Buffy saw the shared look and crinkled her nose. "Yes, I'm channeling Mom. I know you'll be fine. Just don't let her drag you into any tattoo parlors."

That garnered a laugh, but the fact Buffy ordered gingerbread pudding swimming in syrup and ate every bit was a good sign she was still feeling more than a little stressed. Before they parted company back at Council headquarters, Dawn reassured Buffy she'd be fine and would be safely tucked into bed before it was too late...sans tattoos.

"She's just suddenly grown up," Buffy complained as she and Spike strolled down the Victoria Embankment toward Blackfriars Bridge and St. Paul's. "Worst of all, I feel like I didn't even notice. You were the one she told about wanting to go to art school in Florence."

"She didn't actually say that she wanted to go art school; she just kept hauling the art history books around and talking about the museums in Florence...and showed no enthusiasm whatsoever whenever I mentioned Cambridge."

Buffy looked up at him with lifted eyebrows and he shrugged. "So I wouldn't mind the closest thing I have to a younger sister going to same school I did. Better than Oxford any day. But Dawn didn't confide some deep secret in me and not you."

"Still..." She drew him toward the railing that prevented drunk and unwary tourists from tumbling into the Thames. "You notice things better than I do; you always have. I tend not to notice things until they hit me between the eyes. I've got lousy people skills and yet they put me in charge of training a bunch of girls who've been gifted with these powers they never expected and don't understand."

"And you're doing fine a fine job of it," Spike assured her. They were both leaning on the railing, looking out over the waters. Night was well and truly on them now, warm spots of yellow where the light from the lampposts penetrated and dark grey between. "Look, it's not like it was with the potentials in Sunnydale; we're not facing an apocalypse."

"At the moment."

"For which I am extremely grateful. But you've been there. You've fought the fight and you know how hard it is to be the Slayer and live your life. If anyone's qualified to give them a view from the trenches it's you."

Buffy laughed, shaking her head. "It amazing how much confidence you have in me."

"I'm not the only one; do you really think Giles would have turned you loose with the girls if he didn't think you could handle it? Even if I wasn't part of the equation, I don't think he'd be in favor of you being assigned a new watcher like some of those wankers want to do."

"Giles has faith in me; you have faith in me." She sighed. "I need to have faith in myself...and I do most of the time. I'm just still feeling a little off-kilter."

Her hand slid over to rest on his as they watched the water flow by. "I shouldn't have given you grief about the Immortal," he said at last. "It's not like you knew I was alive and, well, one of the first things I did when I got physical was try to shag Harmony."

"Oh, Spike."

"Look, it was the rush of physical sensation of suddenly being there instead of walking through walls or feeling one was getting dragged off to hell. There Harmony was and remember what I said about the blood not always flowing toward my brain."

He hadn't meant to tell her but it just suddenly hadn't felt right keeping the secret when he'd given her such shit for her indiscretions. Hysterical laughter on Buffy's part was not the reaction he'd anticipated, though. "It's not funny. She bit me -- went all psycho because of some weird mystical imbalance. Well, at least that's what she claimed."

Buffy was still laughing. "Poor Harmony. Ever since I met her, she's always been the rebound girl. She doesn't seem to have changed by becoming a vampire."

Spike wanted to protest some more, point out to her he was making a heartfelt confession here, but gave up. It was good to see the laughter again, the way her eyes lit up as she looked at him and broke into a fresh batch of giggles.

When she finally stopped, Buffy drew closer, resting her hands on his chest. "Another one of the reasons I love you, Spike, is that you are just such a guy."

"I'll, uh, take that as a compliment, pet." He did take the fact she slid her arms around him and hugged him as a good sign. Holding onto her, a breeze ruffling their hair and setting the air alive with all the smells of water and people and activity, he felt content and just as she'd bared herself that afternoon, he felt ready to make a more serious confession than his indiscretion with Harmony.

"The reason I didn't call you right after I turned corporeal," he said, "was because, well, I was scared that you wouldn't want to see me. I had all sorts of dreams about our reunion and I was pretty certain none of them would live up to it."

"You were scared?"

"I was bloody petrified. I dressed it up in all sorts of wrapping about letting you get on with the life you always wanted and that it wasn't fair to you, but the fact was that I didn't want to hear you say you didn't want me around."

She didn't say anything, just held on tighter, and he had to wonder if she was thinking what she would have done if he hadn't let his fears stop him. "That and the fact Angel wouldn't tell me where you actually were," he added, hoping to lighten the mood. "Europe's a big place."

"You came later."

"That was different and stupid. Here I am assuming Andrew's told you, Angel's babbling about cookie dough...and why are you laughing?"

"Nothing. Everything. I love you, Spike, and right now I don't care why you didn't call me; I'm just glad you're here."

Her laughter was infectious and he found his own fears begin to fade as he joined her. Holding her close, he knew he was glad to be there too.

They kissed and hugged, drawing more than a few smiles from those passing by. To the casual observer, they looked like any normal couple out on the town for the evening and for now, that's what they were.

The End
March 3-June 20, 2004

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